I did the best I could to prepare Eva for a new baby. But there's talk and then there is reality.
Two days after we brought Oscar home, Eva was acting wild. While Squish and I lay on the floor staring at our little bundle of joy Eva decides to jump over his head. I lost my mind. Girl, you canNOT jump over a newborn's head. I snapped. I screamed at her. I'm not even sure what I screamed. I do know she's treated him like a king ever since.
For the next two months our relationship was strained. We were constantly battling. I could see myself losing her. I could see myself losing Squish. I felt like my whole world was crumbling. Just when things had gotten their worst Squish said something I'll never forget. He asked me, "why do we yell? We yell so we can intimidate the person we're yelling at." I felt like I was punched in the gut.
I don't want to intimidate my four year old. I want to love her and help her blossom. What I was doing was crushing her spirit. It was crushing our relationship.
One night while Squish was at school I had reached the end of my patience. I yelled at Eva. As we were getting ready for bed I held her and Oscar in my arms. I apologized for yelling at her. I told her I was stressed out and I took it out on her and I shouldn't have. I cried as I told her I was sorry. She put her little hand on my face and said, "It's OK momma. We'll still keep you."
That's when I knew something had to change. I'm the adult in our relationship. I can't act like a child anymore just because my feelings got hurt. A few days later Squish sent me this article, The Important Thing About Yelling and it changed my life.
I can honestly say things have been better between Eva and me. Now when she acts all sassy and starts throwing a temper tantrum I tell her how adorable she is. She laughs and things get better. That's the magical thing about my daughter. Her laugh makes life better. It's the complete opposite of what my yelling was doing.
Are things perfect now? No, I've still lost my patience. But I've only yelled one time in the past month (I was yelling at least once a day). Things are getting better. I realize it's a lifestyle change and not a one time fix. I am happy to say that for now our relationship is where I want it to be. She loves me and more importantly she knows that I love her. I feel ashamed to admit that I'm not so sure she knew that before.