Friday, February 14, 2014
Ma and Pa Jaws had the audacity to be gone this week on another cruise so Eve has been staying with Squish's mom while we're at work.
I have never seen Eva's hair look so good. My MIL has braided it every day. I'm super impressed because Eva won't even hold still long enough for me to clip her bangs back.
Anyway, Eva had a Valentine's party this week at school. Thankfully, I didn't have to curse any of the other mothers. Most of them went with cute little baggies but none of them went full on Pinterest addict. And for that, I have to say "thanks for making me not feel like a complete a.s.s. other mommies."
Tuesday we got to hear Coach Taylor's heartbeat. I always breathe a huge sigh of relief when I hear Coach Taylor. I'm starting to feel more little kicks but it's not consistent enough. I still worry. I always worry.
Coach Taylor's heartbeat was 153 and that's about all the new info I got. We get to find out in a couple of weeks if it'll be a Real Coach Taylor or a Mrs. Coach Taylor. I honestly have no idea and I just can't wait to find out.
This weekend is supposed to be in the upper 60s and maybe even 70s. I am soooo excited. I've been watching the sun shine through the windows for the past couple of days and I can't wait to actually go outside and feel it.
That's all that's been going on. My work is running me into the ground. I'm really looking forward to a full three months away from this place with my two little kittens.
at 1:30 PM
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
So I posted this picture yesterday and I got the uncontrollable urge to reflect on it.
First off, I was so happy, happy, happy to have my hair cut. I guess you can count that as part of my Great Purge of 2014. I've had my appointment for a month to get it done and the closer the appointment got the more I wanted to just take my own dang scissors and cut it all off myself.
But I didn't. Way to go me.
Second off, That's a baby bump right there. I keep telling myself that I will take maternity pictures this time around. That's my only regret with Eva. I have a total of four pictures of me knocked up with my eldest child. Some of my favorite pictures are of my mom when she was pregnant with me. I think a lot of us love seeing pictures of our parents when they were pregnant with us or as newborns. How blissfully happy (and unaware) we all were.
I'm sorry Evie Carlene. I was so ashamed of the way my body changed while I was pregnant. Instead of being grateful, I whined and complained the entire nine months I was pregnant with you. I concentrated more on vanilla bean milkshakes and my back problems than I did on you. And who you would become and how would I change emotionally once I became a mother. I wish I would have put aside all those stupid, vain thoughts. I wish I would have thought about what you would want in the future. When I'm old and gray or dead and gone, you'll have exactly four photos of when you lived inside me. And for that, my love, my life, I'm really sorry.
Last off, that goofy looking, bearded man up there. I love him. I take him for granted and I take advantage of him. I make him reassure me daily that he loves me. As much as I fall short on being a mom with Eve, I'm afraid I'm not a much better wife. It seems like I demand the people in my life be perfect at all times. That's an unrealistic expectation. It's just not fair. He works hard to give me everything my little heart desires. He sacrifices his time every day to make sure that Eve and I are provided for. I want for nothing and yet I always demand more.
I worry about the ways that I'll fail this baby. I worry Peyton Sherman will see me as a monster the way Squish and Eva do. I want so badly to be some kind, gentle Snow White type mother but I'm not. I'm afraid if I let my guard down, even a little bit, even for a second that I'll destroy this perfect little world I've created for us (at least in my head).
What's the worst that's going to happen? Eva will forget to say "please?" Squish will forget to take his clothes out of the dryer?
So in conclusion, I promise to take more baby bump pictures and maybe, just maybe have some professional maternity pictures taken. I promise to eat less ice cream this time around, take it easy on Eva and not be such a raging bitch to Squish.
That's a lot of promises right there.
at 8:00 AM
Monday, February 10, 2014
"There is nothing left to throw away or donate," says Squish as I'm side-eyeing the pug. O yeah, there is, I can chop off my hair!
In reality, my hair has always been short. At least once a year I go through this. I want the long hair that all the pretty girls have. But I've never been a long hair type of girl. Plus Jennifer Lawrence cut all of her hair off and since we're practically twins anyway I figured it was time.
Short hair makes me so happy.
In other news we got a snow day Thursday! I built Eva a fort and she jumped from all the chairs in the living room. We watched like 18 movies and snuggled. Not a horrible way to spend a day off with your daughter.
Friday I got new bar stools. I wrote a post about how it took 41 weeks for me to buy them and then I thought I bought the wrong ones and it was a whole ordeal...but it was stupid so I deleted it. In the end I got new bar stools and they're perfect.
Eva was not amused either.
A couple of proud momma moments from this weekend:
- Eva spelled her last name...as in she wrote it out. If you know our last name then you know what an accomplishment this is.
- She also signed all of her Valentine's Day cards for her class. All 27 of them. There are a couple that look a little iffy but she soldiered on and got them all done.
Thanks a lot well-meaning mothers.
*That's the first and only selfie I've ever taken. I appreciate Squish being there so I wouldn't look like the biggest doofus in the picture. He's a handsome beast, isn't he? O! And! That's a little baby bump right there!
at 12:52 PM
Monday, February 3, 2014
So after many, many long years and arguments and justifications and conceedings and one AT&T guy installing an alarm that took seven anna half hours, Miss Eva Carlene done got herself a new big girl room!
I probably should have taken pictures of it. I will, eventually. I've been dying to use my gigantic $8 frames for three months now, but I couldn't figure out where I wanted them to go. I've been seeing the cute tassel garlands on instagram and pinterest and thought "meh, easy enough." I let Eva pick out the main colors (everything she picked out was pink...and who am I to argue) and then went from there. It's just a more grown up version of her nursery. With a lot more gold. I bought my first print from Katie Daisy and I love it.
Squish and I were both apprehensive about her first night, but she passed out before her little head hit the pillow. The only problem is she's afraid of the dark. We went to Target for a night light and found one that wasn't completely boyish. It's a tiny little mushroom that barely gives off any light. So I guess I'll be looking for something a little brighter and that isn't Thor's hammer.
But for reals, we spent seven anna half hours Saturday with the alarm guy. That is all we did this weekend.
And then we watched the Broncos lose and we were both sad.
at 11:04 AM
Friday, January 31, 2014
I miss my girl. Every morning when I drop her off with Ma Jaws I feel like part of me is just...gone. While we were off for Christmas we really bonded. Which sounds odd since she's three annahalf but she's her own person now. Making her own decisions. Voicing her own opinions. Being hilarious. She laughs constantly, most of the time at her own jokes. Being off for two weeks with her just made me really appreciate the young girl she is and how I feel like I miss out on watching her grow up because I'm not there every second of every day.
I've been thinking (shocker) a lot (shocker) about being a mom again. About going through the diapers and the bottles and the sleepless nights*. About establishing a routine. About getting to know the little person growing inside me. I keep wondering (sorry future kid) how much little Marty McFly will be like Eva. Will Marty McFly have a dimple? Will Marty McFly have the same gray, green, brown, eyes as it's sibling? Lately I feel like I've been putting Eva up on a pedestal. I've been elevating her so high that Marty McFly will never be able to live up to her. Should I have the same expectations of Marty McFly that I do of Eva? That's unfair. I had zero expectations of Eva because I didn't know what to expect of her.
I'm convinced (sorry again future kid) that Marty McFly will scale the walls, never sleep, throw tantrums and just generally be one hellion of a kid. That's completely unfair, too. Right now Marty McFly is hanging out, all snug-like up in my uterus. I shouldn't have any expectations.
Ugh, too much heavy thinking and ramblin for a Friday afternoon. Why don't I just keep my expectations to this weekend and not to what may or may not happen over the next few years. You hear that Marty McFly? You're off the hook...fer now.
Squish just texted me and asked if we could go look at campers tonight in Lawton. I love me a good roadtrip. I say there's about a 20-27% chance we're getting a camper. I guess only time will tell. But I do love a road trip.
We're also moving Eve to her big girl bedroom this weekend (Shout Hallelujah!). I wasn't allowed to move her until Squish got an alarm put in because he's all crazy, over protective, paranoid dad. I've been slowly (slow as in turtle pace, my friends) hanging things up on the walls but I couldn't do much because I still can't figure our where her bed will go. I get to flush all that out tomorrow. Which means another day of sweat pants and no shower!
OK, I swear I'm not that gross, but I'm really enjoying these Saturdays full of projects. You know who doesn't totally love Saturdays full of projects? Squish.
I just feel time slipping away and OMG BEFORE I KNOW IT I'LL HAVE A BABY AND THE BABY NEEDS A PLACE TO SLEEP SO I SHOULD PUT THE CRIB UP LIKE RIGHT NOW (right, I'm 16 weeks).
Thus concludes another Friday ramblin of some crazy pregnant girl.
*I don't remember sleepless nights. Eve was always a good sleeper. So yeah, Marty McFly will probably be an insomniac.
at 3:53 PM
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
So...this pregnancy has made me a raving bitch. Seriously, no one is safe*. I decided last night I'm like a 72 year old grandpa. You know, the nice ones that are only sometimes curmudgeonly. It basically boils down to...
Damn people, just be nice. And Other People, don't be so quick to be offended. We all mess up from time to time but I need to believe that people are really good deep down. But then I see how horribly bad people can be and I just wanna be all "damn people, just be nice."
It's a cycle.
Anyway, Taffyta Muttonfudge is now 14 weeks old...or -26 weeks old...whatever, I'm out of my first trimester. And that means The Great Purge of 2014 has been kicked into high freakin gear.
You ever have those days were you literally throw on some sweats, skip the shower, grab a PopTart and git to it? That was Saturday. I deep cleaned the kitchen, I put out a box of milk glass my aunt gave me (which, btdubs, if you have any milk glass you're looking to get rid of, look my way). We moved furniture from the bedroom to the living room, we moved a buffet back into the dining room, Squish hung a new chandelier with only minimal cussing, I made a couple of table runners, I made a coffee and tea station, I gutted the pantry (and found some navy/dark green Kings Hawaiian Rolls...), I hung shelves, I mean, basically kittens, I got at it.
And yet, I still never made it to the office. The office is kinda like the island on LOST. No one from the outside can find it. I'm beginning to worry that Taffyta Muttonfudge will be here and I'll still have an office full of junk.
And now a sad story. I'm a movie snob. I like a good thinking movie. I became obsessed with movies about 10 years ago during a really bad time in my life. I guess they became an outlet or a distraction. Whatever it was, it helped. So during the past 10 years I have amassed quite the DVD collection. It was my pride and joy, but with Netflix, the Internets, and the Movie Channels, I haven't watched a DVD in a year or so. So after much thought (seriously Squish, all those nights you were sleeping, I was lying awake, wringing my hands, convincing myself I should Let It Go), I pulled the trigger. I gathered all the "Eva" DVDs and asked Josh keep what he wanted. Then I remembered I could not no way in h.e.l.l. get rid of my Steve McQueen DVDs so I grabbed those, then Brian came over and now I still have two full shelves of DVDs. I'm assuming this is God's way of telling me to just keep the DVDs. I just need to find a new place for them. I guess I'll go through them again tonight and figure out what to keep and what to let go.
Let's hope parenting two children is not as hard as deciding what DVDs to keep an which ones to let go.
*Totally not true, some people are safe. But I enjoy mind games right now, so you'll never know if it's you or not...mwaaahahaha...
PS I just read this post and laughed at myself. I want to remember the stupid, pointless, ramblings I had while knocked up with Taffyta Muttonfudge. It's something I didn't do with Eva.
at 2:58 PM
Friday, January 17, 2014
I had a check up on Wednesday. Squish had school so my mom and Eva went with me. I told Eva that she'd be able to hear Stevie Nick's heartbeat and she was super excited. The nurse had a hard time getting the heartbeat so they decided to do another ultrasound. Turns out Stevie Nicks likes to move...a lot. Eve got to see Stevie Nicks. I thought she was going to be so super stoked but she was all "meh."
Ma Jaws, on the other hand, was crazy nuts! I'm totally giving my mom a hard time. She was actually waaaaay more reserved than I thought she was gonna be. Even though the nurse brought her tissues, she didn't cry. And I have to admit, it was kinda cool sharing this with my mom and Eva.
Anyway, Stevie Nicks is growing nicely, has a strong heartbeat (161, was 181 on our first visit). Stevie Nicks is measuring right on target and apparently had a really strong umbilical cord...so...okay? My next appointment is in February. My nurse said she'll give me my orders for the "what's the gender" ultrasound. I was completely shocked because I thought it would be April before I found out.
With every appointment I'm falling a little bit more in love with my nurse. She's probably my age, maybe a year or two older but she's very matter of fact and relaxed. She's very quick to explain things that I don't understand. I've got a lot more questions since this is my second rodeo. I guess the first time I was just basking in the glow of being a super special unicorn that I never really stopped to think what was happening inside of me. I took my first pregnancy for granted and I know better now. As much as I bitch and whine, I really do appreciate what is happening to me.
O and boy do I bitch and whine. Just this morning I heard "This is Austin" and cried all the way to Ma Jaws' house. Then on my way to work I seriously cussed out a truck that thought I left the five feet in front of me for him to scootch his fat a.s.s. in. I said a quick prayer because no soon to be momma of two should use that sort of language.
So yeah, right now I have two personalities, Kari Cries-a-Lot and Bitchy McJudgerson. Good times.
at 8:48 AM